Acne is ultimately a disease which has no cure. There are ways to control it and keep it at bay but realistically it is something (for those who suffer) have to deal with.
'Deal with' is not quite the right phrasing. We shouldn't have to 'deal' with it, we should own it.
For a long time now I've told myself that I am not good enough, I am ugly and I look weird.
I've asked myself questions over and over like why me?!, will this ever go?, what if I'm stuck with it for life?
I was torturing myself with these toxic words. They were doing me no good and potentially making my acne worse.
Now, currently I don't have much acne, as in it is not as 'bad' as it was before. Cutting dairy and not having the stress of coursework and exams definitely helped to calm down my red raw skin. But I still get spots and sometimes they stay for months and sometimes they disappear within days and some scar - unfortunately that is just how my skin works.
It makes me sad that I used to think I wasn't good enough or as pretty as anyone else just because of some red marks across my face and scars that I couldn't help prevent. Something clicked in my head one day when I was with my friend, we were discussing how I felt and then I thought wait "It's not like I can help having acne, I didn't ask for it and it is completely normal, I always walk past people with not so perfect skin, so why am I so worried?"
Most of my time was spent crying over my skin rather than living my life. It stopped me from going to social events or partaking in water activities on holiday because I was too ashamed of what I looked like. If I wanted to go makeup free I would always ask my Mum, "am I allowed to?" HOW CRAZY IS THAT. It's my face and my life so I can do what I want.
I was ashamed and scared of what other people would think of me and this put me down. Looking back it is stupid because WHO CARES?!
Whenever I would say or cry that my skin wasn't looking it's best I would always hear people go "It's really not as bad as you're thinking it is" and of course I wouldn't believe them - "they are just saying it".
It wasn't healthy, it was damaging me and my skin literally took up 80-90% of my thoughts which in itself was more disgusting than what I thought my skin was.
I had to remind myself daily that my skin was my one insecurity that I wish I could change but also that everyone has their insecurities, literally EVERYONE.
It would consume SO much of my time it was a joke. I was too frightened and ashamed to look at my reflection in the mirror most days as I knew it would result in tears. I didn't like the face that looked back (without makeup) I couldn't see how I could love myself when I had 'bad' skin. I longed for clear skin, I used to say that I would never be happy until I had clear skin which is so sad.
It may seem like not a big deal to some people but honestly having acne is probably one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. It is an ongoing battle which you are constantly trying to fight but your armour doesn't hold up. It felt like I was running out of charge and that I couldn't go on. It was/is REALLY hard.
Everyday I have to remind myself that I am worthy and I am beautiful and I am enough.
